and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
