turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
