She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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