you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
