Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
