I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
