Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Success! We fucked roommates!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
