i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
