how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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