i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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