When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
