And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
