I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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