I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
