She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
