Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
