im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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