i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
