i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
