Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mom said you looked used
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
