i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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