Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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