just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
