Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
