I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
