When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
