Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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