just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
