Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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