It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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