If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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