the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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