my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
