just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
