She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
