dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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