I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize