you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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