I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
