i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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