well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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