I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
