did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
