Soap is not a condiment
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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