Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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