Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
