i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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