There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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