I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize