I think I am morally bankrupt
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
