we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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