I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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