im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
