I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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