I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Randomize
