I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
