why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
