I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
