If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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