i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
