who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize