oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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