tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the day after is always just damage control
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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