so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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