$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
