Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
