You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
