college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
