btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
