dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
