thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
