I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
