Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
