God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
