Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
