Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
