It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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